I thought I would share this touching tribute written about a beloved dog. With the recent news of a number of pets that have just died I thought this may be a nice time to revisit this touching way of remembering one beloved dog.
There’s a hole in my heart where whole used to be. Those were the first words that came to mind when I sat down today to write this piece about grief, the power it spews into one’s life whether we want it or not. The great Emily Dickinson wrote so many passages about death, yet one resonates over and over, “Forever is composed of nows.” It certainly is. Are you loving someone today? Missing someone today? Wanting something today? Right now, you hold the forever that is the feeling. Right now.
And today, now, my forever is grief.
It’s an odd thing grief. We fear it, dismiss it, try and avoid it, occasionally have brushes with it, and most often times without warning, it invites itself into our lives. No welcome mat but it comes nonetheless. Good ole Emily said it best, “Because I could not stop for death, He kindly stopped for me.” So when Lucy Maloney asked if she could have the honor of immortalizing my Brandy Noel in replica form with one of her miniatures, I hesitated.
Did I want to resurface those feelings? Would people think I was ‘weird’ for wanting to have this forever keepsake? Would this set me back to day one when I let my baby girl’s frail, disease-ravaged body free to soar and me left alone without her physical presence? None of that mattered, I deduced. This is a gift for me. Some of us visit cemetaries. Some light a candle in memory of, others we suffer in silence because, after all, ‘it’s just an animal.’ Nod your head if somewhere along life’s highway you’ve had that comment thwarted your way.
"There's no wrong way to grieve," my grief counselor told me. “You saw a grief counselor because your dog died?” Uh, okayyyyy. Yep, some people validate themselves and their ability to master the art of grieving by tossing eye rolls and handing out sneers like napkins at a cocktail party. <thumps hand to forehead> Oh wait, that’s right anger is a part of the process. Some wounds run deep.
So I sent a locket of hair to Lucy Maloney with some photographs of a life well lived and forever painfully missed. It costs two postage stamps to send grief these days. Not bad. I figured I would see something resembling my Brandy in microscope thimble-sized form come back to me where I’d keep it in a closet until the day came I could face her likeness without melting into a puddle of hurt.
What did arrive changed me. Me, who knows all about grief, has mastered the art of suffering through it and while not kicking it’s choke hold on me, overcame and carries it with her like a shield of sorts. A wounded warrior. The mailman delivered hope. Hope costs a few more than 2 stamps by the way.
I called a family member to come open the box for me. Same as the day I had to let my baby go at the vet. Please don’t make me do this alone.
What surfaced was nothing short of a complete likeness of my Brandy Noel. Her fur intertwined with the process Lucy uses to make miracles come to life. She stands more than several inches high, she certainly isn’t thimble sized, but the gaze in her eyes, the ever so slight tilt of her head, the love in who she always shall be, those are the magical qualities in Lucy Maloney’s work that were brought to life. Many a tear fell that day and continue to do so. It’s my grief, after all.
“Are you going to sleep with it?” “Put it next to her ashes?” These are some things people asked me. Contrary to popular belief, no I’m not sitting home with an Ouija board summoning her spirit nor immortalizing her with a dedicatory wing of the house. But even if I were, am I not a fully functioning adult? Don’t I pay taxes and live and laugh, earn an income and rescue stray dogs? Don’t I have the right as a human being to hurt and deal as I see fit? What is wrong with this world to diminish the handling of one’s grief?
My Brandy is home in the closest sense I will ever have her until again we meet. Lucy Maloney is a maker of miracles and far above the craft her hands create. She is sort of a Clarence to George Bailey. Well, at least to me. For that, I am forever indebted.
As for my hurt, if you’ve loved and lost someone, you are walking that path with me. I view my grief as a suitcase. Some days it’s a cosmetics bag full and others it’s Samsonite gorilla sized. Sometimes I feel like I’m on a carousel in the airport waiting for the form my grief will take. Do I wait days or weeks before I tear up and ache so very much or is today a carry on kind of day where I just take it with me? In any event, I know my luggage always arrives and never gets lost. I’ve learned losing a loved one means gaining a new identity. Victim of grief, survivor of hurt,
I was one of those people, by the way, who said “never again. I cannot get this close to an animal like this.” He sits at my feet daily and his name is Dexter, by the way. My never again. Thankfully I think with my heart and then ask my brain to double check my work. I could never not love this way again.
Will you like Lucy Maloney’s work should you choose to have her create magic for you? More than words could say yes. Celebrating the life of a dog with a forever full of nows, that’s the uniqueness of what Lucy does. “It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them. And every new dog that comes into my life gifts me with a piece of their heart. If I live long enough, all the components of my heart will be a dog, and I will become as generous and loving as they.” Anonymous wrote that. I bet they’ve grieved a suitcase full, too.
What surfaced was nothing short of a complete likeness of my Brandy Noel. Her fur intertwined with the process Lucy uses to make miracles come to life. She stands more than several inches high, she certainly isn’t thimble sized, but the gaze in her eyes, the ever so slight tilt of her head, the love in who she always shall be, those are the magical qualities in Lucy Maloney’s work that were brought to life. Many a tear fell that day and continue to do so. It’s my grief, after all.
“Are you going to sleep with it?” “Put it next to her ashes?” These are some things people asked me. Contrary to popular belief, no I’m not sitting home with an Ouija board summoning her spirit nor immortalizing her with a dedicatory wing of the house. But even if I were, am I not a fully functioning adult? Don’t I pay taxes and live and laugh, earn an income and rescue stray dogs? Don’t I have the right as a human being to hurt and deal as I see fit? What is wrong with this world to diminish the handling of one’s grief?
My Brandy is home in the closest sense I will ever have her until again we meet. Lucy Maloney is a maker of miracles and far above the craft her hands create. She is sort of a Clarence to George Bailey. Well, at least to me. For that, I am forever indebted.
As for my hurt, if you’ve loved and lost someone, you are walking that path with me. I view my grief as a suitcase. Some days it’s a cosmetics bag full and others it’s Samsonite gorilla sized. Sometimes I feel like I’m on a carousel in the airport waiting for the form my grief will take. Do I wait days or weeks before I tear up and ache so very much or is today a carry on kind of day where I just take it with me? In any event, I know my luggage always arrives and never gets lost. I’ve learned losing a loved one means gaining a new identity. Victim of grief, survivor of hurt, and eventually carrier of pain.
I was one of those people, by the way, who said “never again. I cannot get this close to an animal like this.” He sits at my feet daily and his name is Dexter, by the way. My never again. Thankfully I think with my heart and then ask my brain to double check my work. I could never not love this way again.
Will you like Lucy Maloney’s work should you choose to have her create magic for you? More than words could say yes. Celebrating the life of a dog with a forever full of nows, that’s the uniqueness of what Lucy does. “It came to me that every time I lose a dog they take a piece of my heart with them. And every new dog that comes into my life gifts me with a piece of their heart. If I live long enough, all the components of my heart will be a dog, and I will become as generous and loving as they.” Anonymous wrote that. I bet they’ve grieved a suitcase full, t
My interest was sparked again recently with questions about dolls and making dogs for them.. as I have mentioned many times I have always liked Barbie dolls. A friend of mine sent me a number of other dolls to work with for scale in making dogs for them. Today I came across one I had not photographed or made a dog for. She has a really beautiful face and is very poseable. It doesn't seem like she likes dogs that much! I could not get her to interact with them the way I like. I even took Old Ted out from under his dome to see if he could not charm some warmth from her. The photos that follow show his interaction with her. She also held the Pekingese in my first attempt to warm her up. The doll artists and those that pose them and take the fabulous pictures should get a lot of credit... they are not that easy to pose. It takes a lot of patience... good job all of you..
Writing about one of my real dogs today. Zebu is no longer with me in form but certainly is in spirit. He is one dog that has left me with a feeling of never really knowing just how great a dog he was while I had him. While looking for a big dog to come and live with us I came upon a breeder I had known many years earlier. She indeed had two puppies. I was interested in a male dog. I really lean toward them... I think they make a better pet.. personal preference. Getting there on a rainy type day... there they were two little darlings. Already almost 3 months old and showing their personality clearly. The little boy was being bothered, jumped on,and chewed by his sister. He came to me for a lap and a little hugging. He quickly sealed his fate as our dog with that move. My youngest son was beyond delighted when we pulled up with Zebu. Zebu was classically marked with the black and tan already holding his large ears high. My son and Zebu immediately became brothers... wrestling always ... with Zebu using all those moves his sister taught him. He became my son's dog in every way. Today it is often said that Onyx has similar characteristics in personality as Zebu had... that is a compliment and high praise...
I'm known as the "Dog Lady" or "Dog Artist" today I offer a Cat! Of course I have made many cats, because there are as many if not more of them then dogs... however I am not as familiar with them and in some odd way Dogs just seem to come from my soul. I have owned a number of cats.. two come to mind.. one my very first was named "Tootsie" I didn't name her and she didn't seem to like me as much as my older sister. Much to my distress she always prefered to sleep on her bed.. another cat when I was a adult, was "Morris" looking nothing like the Morris from the cat food commercials he was a black and white Tabby. Morris was quite the darling boy.. he loved the dogs and I delighted in watching them play together. I find that back paw kick that they do in mock fighting very funny. Watching my dogs figure out what Morris's next move was always made me laugh. Morris could always outwit the dog ...sometimes hard for dogs to figure out how a animal can run behind a piece of furniture and suddenly appear in a completely different area of the room.. so I have made a cat in a larger scale to pose with Barbie, and below you will see what I came up with. She was to have a elegant look somewhat delicate in form wearing a very thin purple leather collar with gold accents. Striking blue eyes with sleek form.....
Just want to share some photos of a couple dogs that I enjoyed years of photographing, sent them to New York for a Fashion shoot, they flew to Italy for another Fashion shoot. Chicago to the miniature show and now to a private collection where they are on display and viewed often by interested and appreciative collectors. I think these pictures display how special they are with a wonderful quality to look good in many settings.
